August 9, 2019
After all, that I have mentioned in previous posts, you would not believe that my home was my toughest area to purge. I would please ask that this become a no-judgment zone because you can’t imagine what we were going through to function every day. This area is tough for me to write about, probably because for me, it brought me the most shame. I was embarrassed that I let my home get into this condition. However, I did learn through my therapist that this is normal when you are grieving such a significant loss. There was no need for shame and condemnation, and I was taking action!
Purging and organizing was a huge deal and a significant overhaul for us, so I will break this up into parts, showing before and after going room by room after I introduce you to our Dream Team.
A House vs. A Home
There is a big difference between a house and a home. Merriam –Webster stats the proper definition for a house is, “a building that serves living quarters for one or a few families.” The description for home is, “one’s place of residence, a social unit formed by a family living together.” Those are excellent definitions, but, I believe that a house is somewhere you live, you sleep there, but it feels like a residence, dwelling, domicile, somewhere you exist. A home is a family. It is warm, inviting, and it is your refuge, your oasis. It should be your escape from the real world. When you walk into your home, you should feel joy, love, and warmth. My house was nothing like that. I knew I had to make a change in my home life when I wanted to spend more time at work or more time away instead of going home.
I would come home every evening and sigh. This house was not my haven, and it was not my escape. It was my prison. There was a room in my home that we called the “Man Cave” that looked like Michael had just left and was going to return any day. He kept that room immaculate and always told us when he left to go TDY to keep his room together. We all loved to hang out down there. At first, that room was comforting, and we all felt closer to him when we were in there, then it became overwhelming. Other areas of our home were disorganized, nothing had a place, and we needed a change, and we needed to purge.
I started by deciding that it was time for me to do something with all of Michael’s things. I held on for two years, trying time after time to clean out my closet. Deep down, I knew that he was not coming back, but when I decided to start, I would get overwhelmed, start crying, and then walk out of the room. I knew It had to be done but, I was paralyzed, and I could not do it. No matter how much I wanted to or how hard I tried to do this, I could not! I needed help.
One-day months later, I was finally able to pack up all of most of Michael’s clothes and donate them. We have a free garage sale in our town called “God’s Open Closet,” ran by the Fortress of Faith Church,
Items are donated by local families, churches and from area garage sales. Tax-deductible receipts are available upon request. To donate: bring items Saturday mornings or call (913) 683-3953, (913) 682-6779, or (913) 704-6033. Hours: Saturdays from 8 a.m. to Noon. Closed the 3rd Saturday of each month and Holiday weekends. Subject to weather conditions January to March.
You can donate what you do not need (in good conditions), and they give them away to the community. I know that Michael is pleased to know that someone in need was able to use his clothes and shoes; this made it easier for me. That was a big step in moving forward for me, but there was still more to be done.
For me to move forward, I needed not to let go but discover MY way to embrace my new normal, and I knew that this was one of the areas I needed to conquer. It is not about erasing what was it is about remembering all that was, what I have learned, how I have grown and built upon the strength that the Lord has given me to stand in my current life. I had no choice but to move forward because time was not waiting for me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that God has things planned for me, for my future, and I needed to learn how to embrace my past and also embrace my future.
I love you all
Have a blessed and Amazing Day