New Year, New Beginnings… HOPE

January 2, 2023

Every year since 2016, the Lord has given me a focus word for the year.

2016 – Hope
2017 – Restoration
2018 – Renewal
2019 – Faith
2020 – Joy
2021– Purpose
2022 – Connection

***My word for 2023 is Hope***

“Be Joyful in HOPE, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”
Romans 12:12

“Hope is seeing the light despite all of the darkness.”
Bishop Desmond Tutu

“Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a feeling of trust.”

In 2016 my word for the year was hope. We had just ended fasting and prayer as a church, and I was hopeful for the rest of the year. Then a diagnosis, illness, and eventually death came to shake every fiber of my being all in seven short months. 

Can you imagine having your world turned upside down, right side out, inside out, and feeling like you have lost everything in a few short months?  When the “Ground Truth” was published, God started my healing journey and my family’s healing journey. 

Every year of this journey, the Lord has built my confidence, courage, and faith, giving my life hope again, even when I could not see HOPE.

Someone asked me the difference between being in the valley and the dark pit I was in.  God had to drag me reluctantly from the dark pit toward the Light. In the valley, you can see the Light there above you. When the enemy has you trapped in the pit, he is trying to keep you from the light. However, the Light is also there, but when the darkness consumes you, you cannot feel your way toward the light. 

I will always be thankful for the prayers of the saints who prayed me out of the darkness of the pit. Whose prayers got through and on a lonely, almost fateful night when I heard from God, and there was a glimmer of HOPE.

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress; I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

He has Restored my existence.
He has Renewed my lease on life
Strengthened my Faith
Helped me to rediscover my Joy
He has given me a new Purpose
My Connection to Him and this life has been renovated.

This year I struggled between the words rejoice and HOPE when God said to have HOPE in Him. He brought me back to the word HOPE.

I HOPE for so many things this year as I continue this new chapter in my life. He knows that I have some upcoming challenges and faith leaps that I must take. I know the Lord will continue to renew my strength every day.

So, I will rejoice in the HOPE the Lord has given me.
So, I will not fear because I know LORD is with me.
I will not be dismayed because my GOD will strengthen and help me.
HE will uphold me with HIS righteous right hand. I am truly blessed and grateful.

Thank you Lord!

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Letter To My Enemy

devil,

I am sure you meant to destroy me… but you did not!

I will never understand the reason behind your actions.

But know part of me died that day

Too young to realize…

That my opened mind and led to a world of…

Emotions…

Experiences…

Things not for a young girl…

Forever changed…

***

Did you know what your actions would cost me?!

A lifetime of mistrust…

A lifetime of insecurities…

A lifetime of self-hate…

A lifetime of doubt…

A lifetime of pain…

A lifetime of shame…

Secrets destroy!

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What I could have been…

The things I could have done…

The places I could have went..

Dreams killed and destroyed

Paralyzed in a life that was not my own…

From the inside, looking out the window…

Screaming…

Yearning…

For the innocence lingering outside my view

********

Then I heard you died…

********

Emptiness inside…

Nothing to fill the hole

Engulfed in the darkness of the pit

********

Did you go to Heaven or hell?

How many others suffered because of you?

What about my retribution…

What about my retaliation…

What about your punishment…

What about me, them, all of us…

Does it even matter?

********

You see, you took NOTHING from me.

You may have delayed

You may have stalled

You tried it…

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A coward

A pawn

A cast-off

You allowed the devil to use you…

To steal, kill, destroy

Because HE loves me so much… I can finally forgive you!

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your glory, your control… stops here!

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No worries…

No worries???

Yes, no worries!

*********

Because I know a MAN…

HE loved me…

HE loved me before I knew me…

HE loved me before the foundations of the earth

HE loved me, and HE knows the number of hairs on my head

JESUS LOVES ME!

*********

Because of JESUS, I learned to TRUST!

Because of JESUS, I am SECURE!

Because of JESUS, I LOVE myself!

Because of JESUS, I have FAITH!

Because of JESUS, I have JOY!

Because of JESUS, I am BLESSED because HE is in me!

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Because of HIM, my dream delayed is NOT my dream denied!

Just another Blessing in the storm

I love you, JESUS!

Because of YOU, I live to dream again…

A Daughter of a KING

What Would You Change?

Late Night/Early Morning Thoughts

March 24, 2021 @ 2:30 AM

I could not sleep tonight, so I am evaluating my life and my choices.  You know the, Did I do this or that right?  What if I could change something, even one thing? Would it make a difference? 

We often ask each other, “What would you change if you could go back in the past?” Like most of us, I always have a laundry list of things I would change like, school and career choices, financial decisions, and places of residence.

At what cost would those changes come?

Would that change who my daughters are and who they are supposed to become?

Would that change mean changing the people who have planted seeds in my life?

Would that change the people who have touched my heart and I have touched theirs?

Would that change who God means for me to become?

Regardless of the hard, sad, painful, and tragic events of my life, I would not change one thing. 

The Lord said in Isaiah not to remember the former things or things of the past.  He also told me to listen carefully. I am about to do a new thing, and it will spring forth, and I will not be aware of it.  He will even put a road in the wilderness. (Isaiah 43:18-19)

There is a joy that God will instill in you that will allow you to withstand any storm that life brings to you.  God has taken the events of my life and weaved and molded them into who I am today.  The pain, joy, laughter, and tears have led me to this moment and this season of my life.  Healing from God is more than physical illness. God has healed my heart, my mind, and my soul.  The hard times in my life have forever changed me.  They have made me stronger, resilient, and knowing that all things are possible if I trust in GOD. 

“GOD, pick up the pieces.

Put me back together again.

YOU ARE MY PRAISE!” (Jeremiah 17:14)

 

 

It is my prayer every day that if God takes everything that I have been through and uses it to help others, it will all be worth it. 

 

Expectations

August 17, 2020

Expectations is a belief that someone will or should achieve something

I did not get a chance to snap a picture of my soon to be 2021 graduate, Morgan when she left to head back for her senior year. If you know Morgan, I should not expect that she will send me a picture! Lol

Her Senior year in Highschool was not what we expected, but we made the best of it.

I can’t help but think back to this picture when Michael, ShaRonda, and I dropped her off for her freshman year in August 2016.   We were excited for her and hopeful for her future and our future as a family.  We tried our best to make that day just as exciting and memorable as we could. 

That year quickly changed into something that we could not fathom. We had such high expectations for this year…

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But God does have a powerful way of taking you reluctantly through your trials, whether you want to go or not.  

Is the life that I am living what I expected?   Nope…

Did the expectations of our lives crush our goals, hopes, and dreams?  Yep, for a moment…

Do I still live my life in excitedly in expectation? By the grace of GOD, yes, I do!

You see, I TOLD pits of HELL, NO, 4 years ago it couldn’t have my daughters or me!!

God took the hopeless despair and disbelief in my life and turned it into high expectation!

I was reminded to today when I woke up in funk…. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (James 1:2-3)

I was also reminded of a few of the many promise that GOD has for me when I was hopeless!

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 23:18)

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. (Psalm 62:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. (Jeremiah 33:3)

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.(Ephesians 3:20)

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

I am very proud of Morgan’s perseverance through the years. God has blessed her, and she is a survivor!

As I look back on the last four years, what could have killed us, GOD thrived us!

What could have destroyed us, GOD, restored us!

What should have left us in despair, GOD left us expecting HIS GREAT! THANK YOU, JESUS,!!

I am here to tell you that GOD has a plan. It may not be the plan we laid out for ourselves, but just know all you need to do is to continue to trust in HIM. IF you don’t know The GOD I am talking about, I highly suggest that you get to know HIM today. We are living in uncertain times…but we DO NOT have an uncertain GOD!

God is always right on time!

My prayers are with all of us parents sending children back to school, virtually, or to a brick and mortar building. I pray for our children, their teachers, staff, school administrators and city, state, national officials for the tough decisions that have been made and those that have yet to be made. I pray that the love, grace, and mercy of GOD covers us all. I love you, LORD, in JESUS name, AMEN!

Have a Blessed Day!

I love you all

JESUS JOY

Happy New Year!!!

JESUS JOY

I am not going to blog or write about my expectations for 2020. Yes, even my daughters were shocked.

I have my goals and what I want out of 2020, but I am choosing to move silently, allowing GOD to direct my path. Anything God has for me, I am ready to receive.

However, our prayer focus for this morning was perfect, and God placed it upon my heart to share my journey to JESUS JOY.

If you have not read my post over the past 4 years or my blog, I lost my late husband in October of 2016. I suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, I was an understandable mess. But God was not having it, and honestly, neither was I!

I have moved forward with my life and I have so much JOY and genuine happiness in my life!

I had to dig deep to find the Joy that God had placed in me when he formed me before I was placed in my mother’s womb. It was JESUS JOY

It is something that has carried me for the past 3 years going in my 4th year.

Year 1 Restoration
Year 2 Renewal
Year 3 Rejuvenation
Year 4 Discovery.
(I will write about these at a later date)

Joy, true JESUS JOY is rooted deep within our soul, and only Jesus can give us that pure Joy!

NO ONE can be truly happy without JESUS JOY.

I can tell you, I am a living witness… it is a facade, it is fake happiness.

The Lord saved me from my dark place, and I am not the person I was three years ago. HIS JOY was, and is definitely my strength!

Happiness in a surface emotion, but the true JESUS JOY that comes from the LORD is deeper.

It requires something from us…
It requires us to take some action…
It requires us to have something…
It requires us to be somewhere

What does it require? 

It requires us to have something… FAITH

My faith is a foundation on which I have always stood, so holding on to my faith was not hard. I just needed to be reminded of and remind myself that God is still with me no matter what! Faith is something that does not just happen faith some after you have been through some things, and we have sought God, and he has been there. Faith is not in the CHURCH faith is IN GOD and only GOD!

It requires us to take some action… pray, petition, and or (if needed) seek therapy

We have to want Joy in our lives. I know for me I did not want to feel depressed, I knew that deep down I did not want to commit suicide, but I also knew that I had to do something about the thoughts that were tormenting my mind. I had to pray, and others were praying for me. I mention the prayer focus above that comes from a prayer line where we get together Monday through Friday morning to pray for each other, our community, and this country. The saints on that prayer line and others prayed me out of the darkness, and God let me to therapy. Believe me, both were desperately needed.

It requires something from us… total surrender

We cannot give something over to God and keep picking it up. Ether, we give it to him and let it go, or we keep worrying about it.

Worrying will prevent you from having JESUS JOY.

It requires us to be somewhere… In a position to receive

JESUS JOY just won’t come and perch its self on you. It requires you to be in a position to receive it. After you have kept the faith, prayed, and given over whatever is keeping you from God’s Joy, then you are in a position to receive true JESUS JOY. It will not be easy because the enemy will try to convince us that happiness and Joy are the same things. THEY ARE NOT! He will try to convince us that we do not need JESUS JOY.

I believe we were created and born with Jesus Joy, but life circumstances will cause us to suppress it. Think about a child they are joyful. Think about a baby’s belly laugh; it will bring a smile to our face and warmth to our heart. They are experiencing pure and true JESUS JOY. It is the strength that sustains us.

I am the poster child for choosing Joy regardless of my circumstances. I refuse to give the enemy any joy, kudos, or accolades over my life. God has been way too good for me to allow this to happen.

If I am declaring and promoting anything publicly for 2020, I am declaring that I continue I choose and promote that I still choose to have JESUS JOY over anything.

When you think about Jesus Joy, it’s clear and straightforward…

The Joy of the Lord is your strength.
(Nehemiah 8:10)

One of Those Days

First, I want to say that I always write and blog when I am happy, and things are going well.  As a blogger, I always want to be truthful, transparent, intentional, and upfront. Most days, I am upbeat and ready to conquer the world. There are also “One of Those Days.”  Well, I am having one of those “Other of Those Days.”

I am having one of those days where I want to crawl back into bed and have a good cry.

I am having one of those days where everything seems to go wrong. 

Woke up late.

Trash all over the yard from the animals.

Slow cars

Back up at the gate

&

I left my glasses at home.

I am having one of those days where right now, I don’t want to look on the bright side.

I am having one of those days where although it is sunny outside I feel like it is raining.

I am having one of those days where life does not seem fair.

I am having one of those days where I question my past, and every decision I have made.

I am having one of those days where I question my purpose and my existence.

I am having one of those days where nothing at all seems clear or make sense.

I am having one of those days where I don’t want to be strong.

I am having one of those days where I feel that I am not good enough.

I am having one of those days where my dark safe place starts to look good again.

I am having one of those days where I think, “What is the true meaning of life.”

I am having one of those days where old thoughts and fears want to creep back in my head.

I am having one of those days where even though I am having “One of Those Days,” I can’t reside here.

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t allow the enemy to disrupt my progress. 

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t give the enemy any victory over my day.

Even though I am having one of those days, I won’t fall back into the enemy trap of depression.

Even though I am having one of those days, I can see past the enemy distractions and illusions.

Even though I am having one of these days, I DO know where my help and strength comes from.

Even though I am having one of these days, I am here, surviving, thriving, and I am living.

Even though he may have gotten a moment, the battle is still won by Jesus. Therefore, I am still winning!

Blessings and Love to you all!